For The Love Of Who We Are

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

The words in this verse of scripture rang through my ears and stung in my heart as I looked at this picture of myself I was holding in my hand. I took it while checking for position placement on my phone for an Instagram Reel I was making. It wasn't the part that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised, but the part that beauty is fleeting. In my mind, for this moment in time, no truer words had ever been written or spoken. I felt them deeply. May sound silly, but it’s true. 

 Honestly, I almost didn’t post it after picking it apart. And this time not for the usual suspect, my weight…that’s another story for another time. No, this time it was because my age was shining through strands of my hair and running through the lines on my face. 

Truth is, this unfiltered picture is what I look like. Love it or hate it the mirror and the camera don’t lie, our perceptions of ourselves do though. 

For so long, I didn’t allow pictures of myself to be posted on social media, but why not? Jesus loves me, the me HE created.

This is who I am, this is what I look like when I'm staring back at me. This is who you all see when you see me. Her, the one with all the flaws that are so easy to point out and pick apart if, but for a moment our hearts are not in the right posture. When did we let it get to this, that we can't take a photo of ourselves and just love who we are? To look at the photo and just see ourselves, in HIS image, and not see the pain we harbor in our hearts. We should see HIS love in our reflection and HIS light shining through us.

We are the ones that miss out when we don’t allow the pictures to be taken. They don’t have to be posted, we just need to be in them. You - yourself, your friends, and your family, will thank you later when you are included in the memories. I almost missed an opportunity to minister about the love of God because of some silly gray hairs and lines on my face, but why? The way our culture and the beauty standards of this world define beauty tell me that they should be hidden and covered. We are the culture and we are the ones that need to change our way of thinking. Society's standards of beauty will encompass truth if we set the standard as God defines our beauty.

God designed our bodies perfectly and HE designed them to change gracefully as we age. Aging is a gift of time taken for granted that some will never possess. As I began to behold the wonder of time it lessened the sting of f what I was seeing.

The laugh lines running across my face are now very prominent, I have laughed a lot.

The stress I hold between my eyes is showing and boy have I stressed a lot! I shouldn’t because I know the One Who holds my tomorrows, but I have. 

And then there are the tear lines from crying through every emotion telling the story through that picture of the years of pain and joy( I am a cryer, happy or sad- I cry) that’s my body’s go to response for emotion. Sometimes, you may even have to filter through what my exact emotion is, but that too is a story for another time. There are a lot of stories for another time. I guess that means I have more to say, writing for healing is coming.- the book is closer everyday.

The past 3.5 years have been very difficult and at times I thought it would kill me. I have aged beyond what I can even imagine until there is a mirror or camera present. But…God- I am still here. I am still declaring HIS goodness to HIM and to anyone that will listen, even my dogs know of HIS unfailing love. 

Life through these past few years, especially my lifestyle has been different without me having a job for all this time. Before it crosses your mind, I’m not just not working, that too is for another time. But, In a love hate kind of way, I am thankful for this time that HE has taught me to rest.

Time has a funny way of working things out for us, even if not how we planned. I am thankful for the ministry God has given me through Social Media to pour into. I pour myself into posting obediently and by doing so, I am reminded that I still have a purpose. We all still have a purpose, as long as we are breathing, the breath in our lungs means that we are not done. HE is not finished writing our story! Just because we are aging and can see it in our hair and crossing our face, HE still has a plan and a future for us.

I have always, well as far back as I can remember, all the way back to high school... which was a very long time ago gotten my hair died black every four to five weeks. I am a dirty blonde naturally and have died this hair dark for as long as I can remember. I have faithfully gotten my Botox and filler at least twice yearly since I was about thirty. I had long believed that if I looked in the mirror and "felt" pretty it would make me feel better about what I wasn't dealing with internally, that is the farthest thing from the truth, but it's definitely honesty.

Unfortunately, without working I have been unable to maintain my youthful beauty regimens that I absolutely Love! Do not get me wrong on that! I love getting my hair done every four weeks, at least getting my roots died black to the hide the gray. I Love getting My Botox injected to soften the pain lines. Isn’t it funny if you get Botox, you always say my before saying Botox- (My Botox) its never just Botox. We're all like, honey it’s mine. I paid for it.

I love getting filler to fill in the void, but what void am I really trying to fill? HE is the void filler. For me, I’m good with filling in the only places where I am lacking fat, but is that all I am really doing it for? Did I mention that in no way am I saying I don’t love the enhancements we have, all in the name of beauty. So, with that said… I am not downing anyone who does or does not enhance their beauty. If You can afford it and you love it, I say do it- go for it! I’m not here today to say whether it’s wrong or right, that’s all an us and God thing…individually. 

I love everything health and beauty, I really do. But, what God is teaching me in this season is, I am still HIS. HE calls me by name - Beloved, HE says I am still beautiful, and HE loves me just the same. HE loves us with an everlasting love that can not be changed based on outward appearance, HE loves our hearts.

We have so much healing to do ladies. We should be able to look into a mirror and not feel as though we are peering into the horrors of our negative self image concepts and insecurities. We are who God says we are, no matter what we look like. Grays covered or wisdom shining through. Lines deeply and firmly rooted or softened and tamed. Big or small or somewhere in between. We have to get to a place where we love us, so that we can love others. So that we can love others with a beautiful and uncorrupt love that proudly puts on display, Jesus Name. 

Today, I believe 2023 really is the year of fulfillment, healing + wholeness. This is our year for all things new. Restoration to the years the locust did eat. Although our external beauty is fleeting, HE is redeeming our time and restoring our youth. We have been crowned with HIS tender mercies.

And I firmly believe for now- I will look into the mirror and accept these lines to document the story I am walking through and these strands of gray hanging down and shining onto my face as Wisdom- after all, I have learned ALOT and I do fear the Lord. 

The moral of this story, it’s time to love as we have been called, to love ourselves + love one another. If God loves us for who we are then why can't we? The Holy Spirit of God will orchestrate the changes that need to be made 💙 

Xo, 

B. The girl in the Blue House